Step 1 - HOW MUCH????

Buy your severely overpriced 'how to' book from one of the only retailers in the world where you can actually find it.  You may need to try Ebay...

Step 2 - Getting Started

Start up your equally (if not more so) overpriced software feeling really optimistic and ready to knock the pants off certain other big animation studios that might possibly begin with 'P' and end in 'R'.

Step 3 - Your first attempt

Spend 3hrs + working really hard to produce...

Step 4 - Your first 3D model

...A doughnut.  (Or donut for the likes of everyone on the other side of the pond).  Whoopee-doo da.  How thrilling is that?  Might as well be a loo seat or something.  MEGA SNORE!  Still, it only took MOST of the afternoon...

Step 5 - Moving on...

Now we get into the REAL good stuff!  Making a human!  The book swears it will be easy and as I'm a smart little Angel, I shouldn't have any problems at all should I?  (Don't say a word Georgina!!)

Step 6 - Good start

Everything is going really well so far.  You've followed the book to the letter and it's working out perfectly!  Ooooh this is gonna be sooooo good. 

Step 7 - But then...

THE VAGUE INSTRUCTION!!!  This is one of those totally useless instructions that tell you exactly what to do but seem to forget to mention exactly HOW to do it. 

Examples would be ' Press the 'x' button' but it doesn't tell you where the 'x' button is or maybe the 'x' button hasn't been used in that software for 100 years.  Another would be 'Now translate your model'.  But it hasn't told you how to translate anything and you wonder what foreign languages have to do with this anyway!  To add insult to injury, this is usually the step labelled 'THE ABSOLUTE MOST IMPORTANT STEP!!!' or ' VERY VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT'.

Step 8 - It must be mentioned somewhere...

So, you go through the whole book from cover to cover, reading EVERY word from who's published it to the name of the dog who the author would like to thank, looking for how to do that 'most important' step but NOOOOOOOOO  it's not there...maybe you should just check again...

Step 9 - The realisation.

Realise that the 'most important' step isn't covered ANYWHERE!

Step 10 - VERY IMPORTANT STEP. 

The tantrum.  Throw anything you can.  Start with the book.  Kick things.  Start with the book.  Scream at things.  Start with the book.  Stamp around and tread on things.  Start with the book.  Get the idea?

Step 11 - Chilling

OK, so the book has suffered enough.  For now.  Go and chill out.  Have a nice cup of tea and/or a sulk.  Here I opt for both.

Step 12 - Determination

Hey, it's only a piece of software.  You're smarter than any programme aren't you?  (Don't say anything Georgie..!)  So, full of determination and rekindled optimism, you get up and have another go.  You WILL have that model finished by the end of the day!

Step 13 - Looking for that little bit of help...

You still need to know how to do that 'Most important' step so you go online and leave messages on every single forum that seems relevant, such as 'problems with your modeling', '3Dmodelforum', 'How-to-be-better-than-big-companies-beginning-with-'P'-and-ending-in-'R'.com'.

There you will be given all sorts of advice like, 'buy a tutorial book' or ' I don't know, I got stuck on that bit too, let me know if you find out' or just plain old nothing.  You may also get messages from some stuck up nit who thinks they know EVERYTHING about 3D modeling just because they've seen a certain film about toys that begins with 'T' and ends in 'Y'.  This person will most likely tell you not to bother because you aren't worthy of making anything more than a cheese sandwich and even then would recommend you start with just buttering some bread.

Step 14 - And finally...

Give up.  Surrender.  Quit.  You've looked through the rest of the tutorial and can see you can do every other step in the book but you can't get any further because of 'the vague instruction'!  Realise that no-one on Earth is going to tell you how to do it so you might as well just feel defeated (because you have been) and go and do something else instead. 

Thank you.

I would like to thank everyone who helped me write this tutorial, namely me.  I hope you have found it useful and feel you can now do as much as me when it comes to modeling in 3D.  Which is nothing.  Other than make a doughnut.  And even that went a bit wonky if I'm honest. 

~ Ai